You’re right. Jesus doesn’t steal Pop Tarts (…or hot wings or pizzarolls) he makes them appear out of thin air. If you could make wine out of water (or is it the other way around?) why would you need to steal anything? I bet Jesus wouldn’t leave passive aggressive notes either.
Plus, I think the reason Jesus didn’t steal the aforementioned food items is much the same reason Jesus didn’t wear polyester or have an email account.
And finally, if the classroom is covered by the blood of Jesus, does that mean that it has communion wine splashed all over it? What have those kids been getting up to?
These people are seriously hardcore about hot wings and pizza rolls and poptarts (and presumably, crayons and scrap paper?). I was pretty sure with the war and drought and famine and AIDS and all that Jesus simply does not have time to be drug into this madness!
All these note-writers will have to make an uncomfortable paradigm shift when some shepherd boy in Iran finds some parchement scrolls in a buried jar which reveal a hidden gospel which states that Jesus did eat poptarts but they were given to him freely along the dusty roads of Palestine and the hot wings could have been stolen and destroyed by him if they weren’t prepared kosher. And pizza? Scholars are still arguing about that.
17 responses so far ↓
Anhoni // June 4, 2007 at 12:34 am |
You’re right. Jesus doesn’t steal Pop Tarts (…or hot wings or pizzarolls) he makes them appear out of thin air. If you could make wine out of water (or is it the other way around?) why would you need to steal anything? I bet Jesus wouldn’t leave passive aggressive notes either.
mothmanbr // June 4, 2007 at 1:41 am |
That last one is so creepy!
ObstreperousB // June 4, 2007 at 1:42 am |
Wasn’t Jesus all about feeding the hungry?
Plus, I think the reason Jesus didn’t steal the aforementioned food items is much the same reason Jesus didn’t wear polyester or have an email account.
And finally, if the classroom is covered by the blood of Jesus, does that mean that it has communion wine splashed all over it? What have those kids been getting up to?
letters // June 4, 2007 at 4:43 am |
What would Jesus steal?
Daniel O'Brien // June 4, 2007 at 7:24 am |
Judas’ last poptart
Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Sitting Here Listening to This Recording // June 4, 2007 at 10:04 am |
[...] wouldn’t steal Pop Tarts. This site’s sister site is boatloads of healthy good-for-you fun, too. (Passive-Aggressive [...]
oldskychaos // June 4, 2007 at 10:51 am |
They actually took the time to change pens from black to red to write the word blood and underline it.
Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Sitting Here Listening to This Recording // June 4, 2007 at 11:16 am |
[...] wouldn’t steal Pop Tarts. This site’s sister site is boatloads of healthy good-for-you fun, [...]
Meredith // June 4, 2007 at 6:03 pm |
The last note is already creepy, but the exclamation point with the heart makes it even creepier.
Naughty Heather // June 5, 2007 at 5:13 am |
These people are seriously hardcore about hot wings and pizza rolls and poptarts (and presumably, crayons and scrap paper?). I was pretty sure with the war and drought and famine and AIDS and all that Jesus simply does not have time to be drug into this madness!
luckyblog // June 5, 2007 at 7:47 am |
I love notes that end “you know who you are.”
Its deliciously redundant. Except in an amnesia clinic.
Poptart was delicious too,
ta
Jesus
Map of the Problematique » Obscurorant 2.0 // June 5, 2007 at 2:29 pm |
[...] think this one is my favorite so far. « Kitchen | [...]
joebec // June 5, 2007 at 5:10 pm |
it’s not sanitary to be teaching in a bloody classroom,even if it IS J.C’s blood… time to send a note home to the parents.
also, Jesus didn’t have poptarts, but if He would have, ooooohhhh the temptation!
Top Posts « WordPress.com // June 5, 2007 at 7:00 pm |
[...] there you go, bringing Him into it again [image][image] [image] [...]
knerd // June 5, 2007 at 7:38 pm |
All these note-writers will have to make an uncomfortable paradigm shift when some shepherd boy in Iran finds some parchement scrolls in a buried jar which reveal a hidden gospel which states that Jesus did eat poptarts but they were given to him freely along the dusty roads of Palestine and the hot wings could have been stolen and destroyed by him if they weren’t prepared kosher. And pizza? Scholars are still arguing about that.
Dave // June 5, 2007 at 7:39 pm |
Man I luv the comments as much as the notes..Joebec..lol.
This classroom is covered by the blood….instant classic!!
imp queen world monarch // June 7, 2007 at 11:26 am |
i really wish the heart-exclamation church lady would figure out that the blood of Jesus is a metaphor. That stuff never comes out in the wash.
Plus, what if the children are dirty little sinners who steal Pop-Tarts, hot wings and pizza rolls from their Bible college roommates? What then?
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