i a beautiful (plus: passive-aggressive challenge #1!)

have a great day man

this amazing and somewhat baffling little note comes to us from tiffanni in atlanta, who looks nothing like a man but is confident enough in her femininity not to be troubled by allegations to the contrary.

says tiffanni: “this was left on my windshield by a lady in the wal-mart parking lot. i guess she was having a bad day.”

i’m not even going to try to parse this note’s logic, but i invite readers to do so in the comments section. the most plausible and/or amusing explanation will win an mp3 of alanis morissette’s “ironic” from the itunes music store (retail value: $0.99).

29 responses to “i a beautiful (plus: passive-aggressive challenge #1!)

  1. Absolutely LOVE the prize! *laughing*
    yet I have no plausible and or witty explanation.
    I came to my car once to find a sticky note that said ” parking score- negative 1″ Ouch. I admit I did park pretty shitty. I think I may start making sure I have sticy notes in my care and start randomly leaving notes on peoples cars…

  2. Maybe that was written by Paris Hilton while shopping for new clothes so she can fit into jail better.

  3. She’s a beautiful what?! She just says ‘I a beautiful’ a beautiful what?! Man…dog…or illiterate, perhaps.

  4. Headline in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:They beautiful people seen running desperately from Wal-Mart parking lot after she-man go on violent parking rampage

  5. I suspect tiffanni is not being totally candid about her guilt in this matter. Clearly, she was mesmerised by the note-leaver, who is a glamorous transvestite with a big beehive, and was staring so hard that she had to slam on the brakes just in time to avoid running over the vision in lime-green spandex. The emphasis on gender in the note is quite revealing, and the subject left a phone number on the reverse.

  6. “Because I a beautiful”

    You know, I’d rather be ugly than be that bad at my (presumably) native language. Maybe you really can’t have both?

  7. People that aware of others’ gender presentations are either gender outlaws themselves (seems doubtful for the note writer) or insecure in their own gender identity. So I will surmise that the note writer was threatened byTiffani wearing blue and not pink and pants instead of skirt. Or the note writer was drunk.

  8. pleaz i can have engish ressons?

  9. Are you sure “Tiffanni” is not a man? Because the only people I know that spell their name with so many superfluous letters and an “i” at the end where a “y” is clearly called for are pre-op trannies. I’m just sayin’.


    I have no idea. None. I a beautiful? This is hilarious.

  11. May I remind you all this is Georgia. The reason this note is so miserable is because Georgia is ranked 49th out of 50th in the country. This is a result of our poor education system.

  12. I think they got the wrong car. Don’t take it to heart 🙂

  13. This note reminds me of the Ms. Swan Mad TV sketch.

  14. Pingback: Passive Aggressive Notes » The Deets - Ed Kohler's Blog

  15. The print on this note is very similar to the printing I have seen used by people from countries that don’t use latin lettering, for example, Hong Kong. That may explain the slightly off grammar (and really, it’s not that bad, have you watched reality TV lately? Or, actually, dealt with real people? People do not speak properly, how can you expect them to write properly?). I don’t think the possibly non-English speaking/writing background can explain anything else about the note though.

  16. i A beautiful, two! An I am a Man!

    My favorite part is the reinforced insult of Tiffanni being “mannish”.

    Well, note writer, you are stupid! And very stupid, at that! Bye, stupid!

  17. Tiffanni,

    You totally forgot you were wearing your Richard Nixon mask that day, weren’t you?

  18. she clearly wrote this note because she a writer, a beautiful writer @ that

  19. Wow. Just… wow. I read this note about a dozen times, and laughed harder at it each time. I’m literally crying. The whole concept of putting a note on someone’s car asking them not to run you over (because you’re “a beautiful”) slays me.

    If someone put a note like this on my car in the parking lot, I wouldn’t be able to drive home for hours.


  20. Someone I knew left a letter on my car once. Let’s say we weren’t on good terms. She proceeded to insult me in every way she could… My weight, my looks, etc. It was full of spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors. So I corrected all the errors, gave the paper a C-, and gave it back to her. That put an end to that.

  21. Cathy -- a beautiful, and NOT MANNISH AT ALL

    It’s obvious what the note means. Tiffani pulled into the parking lot and violated a beautiful’s comfort zone whilst a beautiful was crossing the lot on foot. Aggrieved and amazed, a beautiful pondered her motives for this attempted homicide, and decided that Tiffani — poor, mannish, UGLY mannish Tiffani — must have beheld a beautiful’s radiant femininity and attempted to run her over in a fit of rage and jealous despair. Hence the note.

    Or, possibly, Tiffani violated the comfort zone and a beautiful decided that “you’re ugly and mannish” was the ultimate crushing insult, OF COURSE, so just left the most insulting note she could think of. If Tiffani had been a man (which I’m sure she’s not and does not appear to be), a beautiful would have accused her of being gay. She would have accused Tiffani of being fat, but you can’t plausibly accuse someone of that just by glimpsing her through a windshield.

  22. Obviously, the passive aggressive hit and run woman was of oriental heritage, and the receiver of this note found it off awfully funny to do an impression of Ms. Swan in front of her. Of course, the oriental lady only recently came to the united states and spends her time studying English on AIM.

  23. Arizona is ranked 50th in the nation for education and I have never heard such grammar spoken…. that could be because most people here speak spanish!

  24. I’m just impressed she had the wherewithal to write this note and show it to Tiffani in the time it took her to notice she was being run over.

  25. First of all Fiducal, not all people from Georgia are uneducated hicks. Just an example of ignorance on your part but I forgive you. Because you see, just like Ms. “I a beautiful”, you are human and obviously having a bad day. As for why this note was written, I would say it was a busy parking lot (as most walmart’s are) and she crossed your path as you were looking for a place to park. Don’t take it to heart, maybe her man left her for a woman who looked like a man and not a beautiful! And we all know when we are mad we say things we don’t mean…. You are both still alive nobody got ran over and that is all that matters.

  26. She was ticked that she couldn’t fit her thighs into any of the women’s jeans. She was forced to go buy a pair of men’s. I’m sure she didn’t really mean it. We all have those days when we doubt our gender.

  27. I think the note writer is a native speaker because “run over” isn’t a common phrasal verb used by non-native speakers, or at least not by non-native speakers that would make a really basic mistake of omitting the “am” from a really basic structure like “pronoun (I) + to be conjugation (am) + adjective (beautiful)”. In the note writers defense, I think she probably just omitted the “m” in a moment of passionate note-writing.

  28. Tiff was driving normally when she was attacked by her narcolepsy. Fortunately she’s also a somnambulist and drove the car with perfect precision across town where she almost ran over a stripper named Typhannee, who followed her back across town to Wal-Mart. Tiffanni woke up, unaware of what transpired and simply went shopping. Typhannee, goofed up on meth, coke, Jagermeister and shame, forgot which car had almost run her down and proceeded to put that note on EVERY car (in fact Typhannee hallucinated that a bear had run her over). While Tiffanni was shopping everyone who already had the note on their car (except Tiffanni, who suffered another bout of narcoleptic somnambulism, and sleep-shopped the whole time and found marvelous deals) came out, nearly simultaneously, and observed Typhannee (who was really named, by her mildly deaf mother who was an atrocious speller, after the drum) putting these notes.

    By coincidence, all these shoppers were actually phobic of weird, hallucinating strippers leaving notes on their cars, especially poorly spelled notes. So they formed a mob, lit torches ($5.99 lawn and garden) grabbed pitch forks ($10.99 lawn and garden) and chased Typhannee back to her strip club.

    Actually Tiffanni received that note the NEXT day and has probably come to realize the huge amounts of time she blacks out and should be looking into professional help.

    Narcolepsy and Somnambulism. There is help.

  29. This is late, but for Lisa. I am from Georgia. I know not all people are uneducated hicks. But I see more than I would like to being born and currently living in the state.

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