Category Archives: food

the eleventh plague

oh, how i love (totally tacky) reply-all e-mails.

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thanks to kate in new york city, who says she has a whole inbox full of e-mails like this from the coworkers at her law firm.

there you go, bringing Him into it again

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(from sarah’s AMAZING photo set, “notes on theft”, and from james in beaumont, texas.)

the post-it wars

after receiving numerous “helpful tips” from her roommate at the university of minnesota…

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lydia decided to add a few post-its of her own.

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(the large signs on the oven and the microwave were already there.)

cereal killer

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the cap’n is saying, “ian: If I catch you eating this delicious cereal, I’ll kill you in your sleep. love, dan.”

(“my roommate ian kept eating all the cereal i bought before i had a chance to have even a single bowl,” dan explains.)

commenter confessions: dealing with office thieves

re: “you left evidence”, Good Soul says:

In 2001, I solved a “disappearing food” problem without these little notes. For some time (3 weeks or so), I bought some very nice food, put my name on it with a “do not touch — not for human consumption!” sign, and watched it disappear. I also found out about the fine taste of the thief – sugar was high in the rank. So on a random day, I placed a box of very nice sugar treats with the same sign, in the same place, and — as expected — it disappeared pretty soon. That was 9-10AM. By 2PM, the horse laxative I put in the food made two co-workers abandon the office in a hurry, only to spend the next 24 to 48 hours in the hospital.

Nothing was ever said (it could lead to lawsuit). If needed, I would claim the treats where for my horses, and “not for human consumption” — notice a similarity? I immediately stopped eating the food I left behind, just in case they thought of doing the same. Somehow, food never disappeared again. Next time I would use ink — permanent ink — just in case the idiots choose the lawsuit option.

re: “i swear this isn’t some kind of stealth viral marketing campaign”, LQP says:

Back in the day when I worked at a public library somebody stole my Hot Pockets. I responded by writing this passive-aggressive haiku (or something similar, I can’t recall it exactly) and posting it on the fridge:

Dear Hot Pocket Thief:
I hope that it tastes like guilt,
So hot and delish

The next day there was a note from the Hot Pocket thief who was profuse in his/her apology, as well as two new replacement boxes of hot pockets. I felt really terrible despite it all, and attempt to curb any passive aggressive behavior from myself.

re: “i spit in mine”, briggs says:

Where I used to work, there was this guy who would drink from anothers guy drink when he left the room. One time he place his drink on a napkin and wrote: “I spit in this”. When he got back somebody else had written “So did I!”

who’s the smartass?

exhibit a, from lindsay in burbank:

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says the author of post-it #2: “the next day, she added a note that said, ‘keep eating my sushi and you’re going to find out!'”

and exhibit b, from jason in new haven:

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(to the left, the original note. to the right, the response.)

if you’re guessing these guys are engineers, you’re not that far off.

yeah, i got fired…but that hot pocket sure was worth it.

this exercise in redundancy is brought to us by erika in los angeles. it’s like the note-writer couldn’t decide which tactic would be most effective and just opted for all of the above.

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